Monday, January 28, 2008

My New Rules Regarding Presidential Candidates

Given this seemingly never-ending campaign for the presidency, I have decided that we need some new rules in regard to who can be allowed to run for office. Too many ill-equipped idiots with ideas that are intellectually and morally bankrupt have already wasted our precious time and money, so we need to make some sweeping changes.

With apologies to Bill Maher, these are my 10 new rules:

From now on, you can’t run for president if you …
… don’t believe in evolution
… equate homosexuality with bestiality
… feel your religious beliefs should be thought of as a political asset
… think global warming isn’t a serious problem
… use September 11 as a reason that people should vote for you
… are against abortion rights, even in cases of rape, incest or to protect the life of the mother
… oppose expanding federal funding on stem-cell research
… believe the best way to deal with illegal immigration is to build a big fence
… feel our healthcare system doesn’t need to be drastically overhauled immediately
… think we can and will win the war in Iraq

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